42. Why do I write?

I used to send poems to teens’ magazines and papers and sometimes they were published. The girl who had the short hair encouraged me to be a poet.

 

I wrote an essay questioning why Korean cookie companies used English names instead of Korean ones and sent it to Dong A newspaper, and they published it. Grandpa was so proud of me and he showed it to his friends. 

 

In Korea, every newspaper had literature contest for the new year. To be a writer, you had to win one of these contests. I sent my manuscripts to these contests and never won. Once I got the idea from the church magazine and submitted a story about grandfather and his grandson. I passed the preliminary level and made final five. My name was mentioned on the paper, but I did not win. 

 

Korean papers in America welcomed any form of writings from the readers. I sent mine and they published them often. I won the essay contest sponsored by Na Sung newspaper and my poem won the award from New York Koreadaily. 

 

There were writers among newly arrived Korean immigrants and they formed the groups and started literature meetings. I went to a few of them and even joined one or two. They were run by unknown and unpopular writers. They helped wannabe writers win cheap awards from third class literature magazines. They charged tuitions, in reality, commissions. Some people published books with their own money. I did not want to follow them. I stopped going to these meetings.

 

I continued to send my writings to Korean newspaper. One day, I got a call from Ho Gil Kim, a poet, who worked for Koreadaily. I was sending all types of writings, poem, short story, opinion, and essay. He advised me to pick and write one category. He thought my essays were good and I should just focus on it.

 

Since then, I focused on essays. After I continued to send my essays to the paper for 10 years, I got a call from Koreadaily. They offered me to write for their popular column, “This morning…” They even paid me $100 a month for few years. Due to the financial difficulties, they stopped it many years ago. I have been writing for Koreadaily over 30 years now. 

 

If someone asked me why I wrote, I would say I wanted to communicate. I did not have any friends when I was young. Writing was my airway. I breathed thru it. I expressed my thoughts, frustrations and hopes, thru it. I organized my thoughts, looked back the mistakes I made, and made the plans for tomorrow. 

 

Initially, I just wanted to express myself. Once my writing got published, I enjoyed reading them. So, I wrote again. Now I actually write less. When I write now, I wonder how it would affect the readers. Would I hurt anyone’s feeling? Written words are stronger and scarier than spoken words. Spoken words would be forgotten. Written words would remain and exist forever. 

 

Sometimes strangers recognize me and would talk to me. They are my readers. Those who would come and talk to me are ones who liked what I wrote. Those who did not like and agree with what I wrote would turn back and walk away from me. I just hope the latter are less.