18. Couple Fight

I sometimes witnessed my parents fight. It was often triggered by my mother’s outing to see her friends or a visit from father’s relative.

 

As I mentioned earlier, father rarely went out alone. He always went out with mother. He took my brother to the bathhouse and barber shops. He did not have good social skills and know how to spend the money. While he was in Marines, his assistant always followed him and took care of the finances. Everywhere they went, mother took care of the money matters.

 

Mother joined a few “Gye” (It’s like a Christmas club. 10-20 people get together, pay set amount of money, and the total sum will be given to one person. They take turn and eventually everyone will get paid once during the term.) meetings. They met at the restaurants. Often, she just sent her monthly due and skipped the meetings.

 

Father did not like her going out. Every once in a while, she would dress up and go to the meeting. In 2-3 days after her outing, they fought. Father picked on her being late. Mother brought up her friends’ successful husbands, and that would upset father.

 

Father’s only relatives were his cousins and distance uncles. Among them, he was doing better than anyone else. Sometimes, one of them would show up unexpectedly. They needed money for their business, house rents, or kids’ tuitions and school trips.

 

Father always gave them some money if not all. He would make unnecessary comments and made them upset. They went home with bitter taste in their mouths.

 

Father was very frugal and we seldom ate out. Nevertheless, he would give money to his relatives. Mother was not happy about it and they fought after their visits.  

 

One of his cousins and distance cousin did not forget about those days. They often expressed their gratitude and treated him well later in his life. One of them even took him back to Korea.

 

Since I was home, I witnessed every wake of their fights. On some occasions, a couple of items were broken. After their fight, they often asked me about my opinion. They wanted me to say it was their partner’s fault. I learned that I could never win either way. It’s best not to express any opinion at all.

 

I would think about it and give my opinion to whoever asked me. They would make it up in a day or two, exchange what I said, and put me in an awkward position.

 

In couple's fight, they are equally wrong. They are wrong since they caused the fight and they are wrong since they did not resolve it. If the other personal is really wrong, they are still wrong since they picked and married that person.

 

Once they made up, they would go to the market together, bring home meat, and we would all have a nice meal.

 

They never stopped fighting. After the fight, they would call one of us and ask us to take their side.